tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
