Define "chronic" masturbator.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
