she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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