I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
