P.S. I can't hear my feet
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
