So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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