Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
