i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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