im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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