He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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