Im at strip club and am horny
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You made out with two different species that night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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