can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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