doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
