I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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