I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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