Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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