He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
