So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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