I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
