Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
