matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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