Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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