I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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