I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
