If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
