What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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