The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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