All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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