we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
