Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
