Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Help. Why am I so naked?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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