I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
