Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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