You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he just fucked me for my cheese.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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