Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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