I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize