When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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