I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
