I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
