Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
FUCK WHALES
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
