At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
