Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
