the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
