How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
not ubering you a puppy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
