I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
