my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
