those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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