So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
