When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
