Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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