I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
