I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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