I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
