I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
