trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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