just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
