So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
