he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
