The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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