i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
