Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
