Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize