i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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