Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
