i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
