Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
