Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
