Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
