You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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