he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize