are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
