My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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