Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you had me at cake vodka
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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